|This was quite the surprise! Brought instant tears.|
I miss my Don, my god how I miss him. It has nearly been 5 months since Don died (7/7/14) and I have been OK. But lately, the tears just come out of the blue. I will see something and boom ... tears. I wish for nothing more than to pick up the phone and send Don a text of something funny that happened.
I didn't think the Holidays would have this affect on me, but they have. I just can't get into the Christmas spirit. I would not put up a Christmas tree in the house if it wasn't for Audrey. I went to buy a real tree yesterday and pulled into the lot and burst into tears. A Christmas without Don seems unimaginable and yet, here I am without him.
I did OK on Thanksgiving. We had a #HOFFstrong team for the Grateful Gobbler and walked a 5K at 8am Thanksgiving morning. Then after the Gobbler, we traveled to my Mom and Stepfather's house in Whitwell, TN to celebrate Thanksgiving with the family. It was fun to see all the little kids in the family and it was nice to laugh and smile with everyone. But under my smile, I was sad that Don wasn't there. Don loved the holidays and he loved when everyone was together. That night I just cried and cried in my room alone mourning the love of my life.
I am crying now, because I miss him so much. I think I've just tried to be brave for so long and act like I was OK and now the tears are demanding to be shed. It's tough. It's tough when you lost not only your huband, but your bestfriend too. Losing those two partnerships in your life is devastating.
Today after work, Erica, Audrey and I are going to buy a real Christmas tree. Together we have been able to endure these months without Don. Audrey is amazing and expresses her feelings about missing Grandpa. The other night we were watching TV and out of the blue she says "I hate that Grandpa died". All I could do is agree and hug her. I hate that Grandpa died too.
|Erica, Abbey Smith, Kimberly, me, Audrey and Asher|
I am feeling a little broken lately, however, I will bounce back again. Just needed to express my sadness the best way I know how and that is to write it out.
Love those in your life without hestitation and without judgement, becasue you never know when the last time you will have them in your life.
Until next time ..................